always learning...

As this year winds to an end, I'm happy to say that I am quite content with the way things have turned out; I've made mistakes and learned many lessons this year, but each has brought me closer to being the person I know God wants me to be. I've made new friends, moved on from old ones, and tried to make decisions that were right for ME----that's what this year was supposed to be about... me... and I think I did pretty damn well. If nothing else, I tried to do what made me happy, and I'm happy to have learned these lessons along the way...

1.)It's okay to be by myself. I spent a lot of time getting to know who I am as a person, and I realize that you really have to spend time loving yourself before you can truly expect to give or receive love... I feel better equipped to do both :)
2.)I am the only person in control of how I feel. How liberating!!! Everything else is just outside 'input' to be experienced however I choose
3.)***There is no such thing as a friendship without trust.. point, blank, period. If you can't trust a person, why would you call them a friend in the first place; why would you want to have a friend that doesn't trust you?!?! I think it totally defeats the purpose of the word friend. ----This was definitely a major lesson this year: Someone I considered a really good friend accused me of some crazy sh*t and, to add insult to injury, proceeded to tell ALL our mutual friends her crazy lies---THEN sent me an e-mail half-ass apology( we lived together)!! I still feel a tinge of outrage (and hurt) just typing about it and, though it wasn't the easiest thing to do, I had to remove that person from my life; I truly believe I'm better off for it.~sigh~
4.)addition to # 3---- Only now am I beginning to realize that, just because you can't be friends with someone, it doesn't mean you can't be civil, and maybe even associates. When I feel I've been treated badly, I can very easily cut a person from my life; I don't feel bad, I don't miss 'em, they're just gone... as a mature adult, I have to do better. Different people bring different things to my life and, it's okay to 'demote' a friend to an acquaintance if the only alternative is rancor and enmity.
5.) Forgiveness should be thought of in the same we think of Christmas gifts---tis better to give than to receive
4.)NOBODY IS PERFECT (not even me).... I am a perfectionist, but it is unfair to expect the same from everyone else. I'm still working on the 'my way is obviously the best way' thing I've got going on in my brain.
5.) I am not entitled to anybody's kindness; I should give mine freely while expecting nothing in return...WWJD... an eye for an eye and we both lose our sight, right??

Of course there's more (with me there's always mooorrrreeee) but I feel these things really changed me as a person. adios 2008--- happy new year, whoever may read this (prolly nobody) :-P

Old lady???

I learned how to crochet about a month ago and I love it. Right now I can only make scarves and blankets, but I really want to know how to make purses and ponchos--- and house slippers and baby booties--- oh yeah, and hats :-) I only know two other people that crochet and I was thinking about joining a crochet club, but the thought of that makes me feel old. I'm still going to join a club because I yearn for spare moment so I can pick up my needle and yarn, but I wonder if I'll be the youngest person there.... hmmmm, I wanna learn how to make doll clothes, too

On the Other Hand....

The flip side to my happiness, oddly enough, is my boyfriend. Let me start by saying I'm a crier. What I mean to say is, I cry during t.v. shows, movies, commercials, I even cried when the Celtics got their rings, simply because Paul Pierce was crying!! Lately, whenever I watch a movie with an amazing love story ending, I cry uncontrollably, and I'm beginning to think it's because I don't feel that way in my own relationship. Wow!!! My brain seriously just went through the pros and cons of him in the time it took me to go from the p in relationship to the W in wow. I think I might stop typing before I say a bunch of crappy stuff cuz I'm feeling a little crappy about him right now. I guess I just needed to get that theory out, at least.
To Be Continued....

Broke, Blessed & Happy

I am a bartender at a pretty laid-back restaurant. I'm not poor and I pay my bills, but I certainly don't make a lot of money. It's a pretty slow place with lots of regulars; we really don't shake things up too much around there. Daily I encounter mediocre tips and guests with bad attitudes, but there is no place I'd rather be!! The people I work with are awesome(they include my best friend and her mother) and I love being around them. My work buddies are always good for a laugh, and you can always count on them to talk badly with you when somebody gets on your nerves: ) We go out, we hang out, and we're ALWAYS there for each other. Most of the people I work with are now some of my really good friends.
I recently got out of a long-term friendship that went sour, and it's good to be surrounded by people you know are REALLY there for you and really have your best interest at heart. I'm not one to be attached to people, but I know my life would be different if just one of them were removed from the equation.... Brittany, Dana, Jazz, Karen, Dominique, Tiffani, Tiffany, Taucia, April<---- we may not be rich, and sometimes we can't stand that place, but I wouldn't have it any other way if it meant I never would have met you. I'm thankful to have such a wonderful group of women in my life who keep it real and know what the true meaning of friendship is. I know I am truly blessed.